Messing Things Up

      April 10th one of the worst and happiest day of my life. Worst because I won't be able to be with my college and high school friends again like what i used to do when im still here in the city where i graduated. Happy because im starting my ever dreamed job and being a professional, working with the course that i graduated for. I decided to volunteer in a hospital, YES you heard it right working without being payed! You may think that i'm a lil bit crazy but im happy with what i've decided. 

     Three months had passed and I can say that i am capable of doing things like what other staff nurses are doing. I can say im working to be an excellent volunteer nurse. 3 weeks before my 4 months work I went back to the city where I graduated to be with my dad's annual check up but my absents were extended for like 3-4 weeks and by that time I was so worried knowing that its not a good sign and im afraid they wont accept me again to work there in that very long absent. So I decided to send a letter to my Chief nurse trying to be formal this time and up to now still waiting for the reply from them.

      I am seriously drained, stressed and worried about what is happening in my life right now. While I am back here in the city I was thinking I should've attended the interview in one of the most popular hospital here. I regret it. I would've do something else here while im processing my student's visa. 

      Finally, I've met a man whom i think could be my distraction when i am here waiting without nothing to do at home. I was so happy with him, talking to my self that i will take it seriously. Yes, i know i've already prepared for it. Im ready to get hurt again. When i told him im applying for a student's visa in Norway. He disagreed, like my dad. He don't want me to travel there coz he will be hurt when im away from him. Days after we've met he told me that he's trying no to be serious with me coz he don't wanna be hurt when i'l be able to study in Norway. 

      Things get clearer to me as time passed by. I cried, I was sad, worried, messed up, all alone. But i know im used to it. All i want is maybe a real distraction for me to forget everything and I  know for sure, this is what i am doing now. I hope i'l be doing fine someday and I hope I could find a man ready to fight for me whatever fucked up situation that'll happen in my life.