GONE GONE FOREVER :(

      Yesterday night i was very excited for my very first job interview. I studied and practice my lines for the possible questions that will come up the next morning. I slept around 3am and I woke up around 6am (BINGO!! was that me? an early morn pip??) Yea yea, u'd better told me that, "hey you! you have to sleep early in prep for yer first job interview!" I knew it, when i woke up? I am having this very awful HEADACHE! So, I decided not to go on to my interview, anyway i have another time to be interviewed again and again.
      So, for the whole day, i sleep and checked my email, facebook, and of course my blogspot account. I talked to some friends regarding what happened today. Until such time, I called my "Special friend" because i wasn't able to call him the whole day yesterday (i was just a lil bit busy that day and i think  i missed him alot). So, we talked and i asked him about how was he feeling because he's sick for i think 3 days now and yeee I was happy about what he told me because he's kinda feeling good now. After a short conversation he suddenly told me about ending the call and rather chat in FACEBOOK (YES! i know i know.. im used to it). I can't even open a topic to him because i told him that if i talked to him it seems like i'l forget everything in my mind. I know it's weird but i don't think why I'm always experiencing it when i talked to him. After that conversation, he then told me that he has something to do and that he will talk to me later. I always wonder what was that SOMETHING he will do that made me wait for i think 24 hours. Yes! i know he's not my BF but i was just wondering what was it.
      He signed out and I checked his facebook account and then i was so SHOCKED about his RELATIONSHIP STATUS!!!, from being SINGLE to IN A RELATIONSHIP :( .I never expected it (YES, N-E-V-E-R). When i saw it? I felt that my blood suddenly rushed into my head that i felt so hot and all of my body was shaking and i was like an intimidated chimpanzees, a stressed mice and a very frightened cat who suffered from having goose bumps around my body.
      Unconsciously, i closed all the applications and windows in my pc, i turned the pc off, locked the door, sat on the hidden corner of my room and covered a blanket. I wanted to talk to someone but i can't.. I don't want them hear me crying like a lost puppy.. Someone called me in my phone, i acted normally like im NOT crying but as i was listening to him sharing about the memories with his x girlfriend, I can't STOP myself from crying that I wasn't able to talk and say sorry for I failed to comforted him. . So, i decided to end the call and sent him a message apologizing about what i've acted. He then called again and comfort me, he told me that it doesn't matter if I wont talk or share to him what happened as long as he was their with me so that I won't feel alone.

a PICTURE behind - -

Every picture has its own interpretation. Every single smile, a cute laugh, unforgettable memories, relaxing and quiet place, and a golden time has it.

to continue - -

No More - -

When u end up on something important it's like your gonna be crazy without it.

same as LOVE: you learn to build and end it up.

They say that "A good production comes from an excellent foundation"

same as: LOVE + FRIENDSHIP: it'l start with an excellent foundation of friendship to a prosperous product which is love.

I just wonder why people tend to STOP LOVING SOMEONE! I think they still did not know the REAL meaning of LOVE!.

LOVE is TIMELESS, UNCONDITIONAL and EVER UNDYING!

If you LOVE someone you'll make it to the point that he/she remembers each and every single day of your relationship as special as the day he/she was born.

But, there are situations that would really measure your strength on fighting for the one you love, there are are also people who would pull you down just to make sure that you'll NOT gonna end up happy.

These factors commonly exists to every relationship, the problem is that how we are going to COPE UP!

Oftentimes, people get to have HALLUCINATIONS, ILLUSIONS and even DELUSIONS when they're in LOVE! This is true because of some changes of our brain activity when someone is so in love.

In Psyche, it is BEST be prevented through ASSESSMENT, REALITY ORIENTATION and the last one are DISTRACTIONS!

At the end of the day, you'll get to realize that everything should be attach to REALITY, to GOD, to YOURSELF and NO MORE than that. . . .

an INSIGHT from a FRIEND -

No matter how strong a woman is, the minute she falls inlove..things get complicated right away.

Maam Joni-

When a man loves you for real..he will make ways to make you feel special. You don't have to doubt him even he's not around because he will not let you. Your head will never ache wondering whether he will text you if you're ok ..or what are you doing at time he knows your vacant...or will actually want to see you even for a while.

Maam Joni-

falling to pieces . .

i don't know what to say :( he had all the reasons to stay away from me . . sad T_T

i dunno if i'l cry or not? for me im just over reacting if i cry! so i wont cry-- WTF! (sorry for the language)

okay fine! im over reacting . . whatever .

Goodluck to me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrzGHgmG3y4

healing the cut :(

In life we get to be busy all the time. We tend to have alot of things to do and alot of things to finish sometimes we forget to pause for an hour to ask the following questions to ourselves. How am i? Am i enjoying what im doing? Am i allowing myself to rest? to have a break? To kick other people's ass off just to make my self satisfied of my hard works? Sometimes its very therapeutic to ask yourself these questions. Simple yet helpful.

How am i by the way? Most common asnwers would be, "Im fine" or maybe "Im okay". Even i would answer the same thing. But hey! Im referring on how deeply I am okay with my life right now. Okay! Im NOT fine and NOT okay yet because I think Im exhausing myself too much from the things that made me so busy. For I saw myself suffering from the things that I let myself happen. For I see the people not okay too when I check on them. One time I was sitting on the seashore looking at those vendors who really have nothing to count on as their way of living were a box of fake jewelry and other "kikay" stuffs. Im not so sure if they would answer either a YES or a NO in my second question which was, "Am i enjoying what Im doing?" or "Are they enjoying what they are doing?" I wanted to ask them after I ate my lunch but Im afraid maybe tears would fall from my eyes when I hear their answers. Im not so sure if they have an income at the end of the day or if they take a break during lunch time. Lately, when i checked on the jewelry vendor, my family gave him a lunch to eat which made me very happy and satisfied for I feel like Im enjoying myself looking at my family giving and sharing the blessings that we have.

As i wrote this, Im wondering if I allow and if Im doing the third and last question. Wondering if I am having a very relaxing break this easter week? If am i kicking an ass off just to make me satisfied with my hard works? My answer would be a big YES! Sitting here behind the seashore is very relaxing. It heals the wound that I am trying to fix. As of now the problem keeps on opening the artery of my heart which is so hard to suture. Im sitting here for a purpose, a purpose to make this post as a way of expressing what im feeling right now. I wanted to kick an ass off just to make me satisfied but now I can't, that is why I am trying to write it so that the cut would be minimize and would not leak anymore if someday someone will volunteer to suture and help me fix the cut that im forcing to heal right now.

im DEEPLY sorry - -

Lately ive been entertaining some people whom i dunno, which is weird *ya i know it is*. But i just wanted to remind myself that its not wrong, having new friends - - yea hang in their *FRIENDS*

But limme just assess my self. . i think im losing something, am i?

Yes i am! i almost forgot that i asked God to give me a MAN who suited to be an ideal person of mine. Until such time he came to my life *that was 1 week after i prayed*. Yeaaa! dun ya ever laugh at me because its true. .

Hes cute, smart, charming, kind, taller than me, with sense of humor, loves photography, we are in the same profession, and has a job! Bingo!! I remembered when he ask me if what was my ideal man , i told him all of those things except this *loves photography, we are in the same profession, and has a job* because maybe he will think that i am referring unto him. . Yes , i admit it i prayed to God all those things but i never expected that he would add this *has a job*. .

I thank God for giving HIM in my life and now i just cant afford to lose him.. I felt sorry all the time for i just dunno what he feels because he is not so vocal like me . . thats the opposite thing we have.

I just wanted to say sorry to my BLOG because this blog is the only way i can express what i feel. . as of now, while im typing, my heart beats so fast that i cant even breath normally, that i cant even stop my tears from falling because i felt so guilty on what i did.

Hes so special to me and im NOT special to him . . Its okay, i cant force a person to like me. All i want is to have a good relationship to every people ive encountered, i am encountering and to be encountered. .

YES! IM LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!! I JUST WANT TO BE MEEEEE.. SAYING I LOVE YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE AND SAYING IM SORRY TO ALL THE PEOPLE IVE HURT. .

Until here. GOD BLESS US ALL!