SEPTEMBER 9, 2011 this was the day i made this blog post but unfortunately i wasnt able to post it on the same day that i made this because i was on my grandpa's place since..
SEPTEMBER 5, 2011 was the date that i wasn't expecting to be my one of the most unforgetable day in my life..At exactly 4:19am i lost my grandpa in my own watch. . Yes! Im in his room with my cousin and two aunties.. I was sleeping when my Aunt H knocked on my door asking help for my Aunt D was crying looking at my grandpa having difficulty of breathing even with the assistance of an oxygen. I hurriedly checked his vital signs (specifically his respiratory rate, heart rate, and blood pressure) the result was a normal BP that was around 120/70 and a high RR..Looking at him craving for an air to breath is so hard for me knowing that it's not easy to handle with. Checking his BP again after an hour with the reading of 110/70 which is beyond his usual normal BP gave me two kinds of feeling.. First, im a lil bit happy because its within normal for him and secondly, im kinda suspicious for i know its a borderline that his BP will become lower and lower that i wasn't expecting to be very low with a reading of palpatory 60. While im on my grandpa's room, I and my two Aunties were talking about my grandpa's situation. I was talking to them when i noticed the ball of the regulator already not moving so i double checked it and i was right.. I asked my two Aunties if they manipulated it but they both answered a straight and firm "NO". So we were wondering what had happened but we just ignored it for our focus is my grandpa.. After all what happened we decided to have a rosary but suddenly my Aunt H noticed that my grandpa was not breathing at all. I hurriedly jump on his bed and checked his carotid pulse and all of his pulse but sadly it's NEGATIVE. I also observed the rise and fall of his stomach but i did not saw any changes at all. By that time both of my Aunties were crying and i woke up my cousin telling her that our beloved grandpa had just passed away. She woke up crying and i felt sorry for them. I did not cry and i stay strong and relax. From that very moment we called all our cousins and relatives. After calling them we offer a rosary for my grandpa, I was beside him while he was lying on his bed. . After the rosary my cousin and I stayed with him and then by that time my cousin can't stop crying, making it the reason for me to cry like a PIG.. Remembering the memories with him together, from the day that he arrived in my place until the day that he was hospitalized for 4 working days while i was having my review for my nursing board examination, to the day that I finished taking the board examination he was again hospitalized for 9 straight days until the day he was discharged and sent him again to the clinic for his follow up check up twice, to the most frightening day of my life.. From the time that he was very happy hearing the news that he already had a granddaughter that is already a certified registered nurse. I cant even forget the day that i asked him if he can still afford to wait for my first salary and then he answered "Yes I will" I was very happy and glad when i heared it. I know it's a reassurance but at least he tried to make me happy for a moment amidst of his difficulty of fighting to live, that was my PAPA a very unselfish person, A LIVING UTILITARIAN. While lying on his bed, he was still thinking about his children who doesn't have a family yet knowing that he was away and he can't support them for this was always his role way back when he was still able to work for his family. Until the last time that we talked that he told me not to disturb him because he wanted to concentrate for he can't anymore breath normally and finally by the time that he already ceased breathing.. Thinking that he would still breath for me and for his family. Asking myself for at least to become SELFISH this time. . Selfish for i still want him to breath, to live, and to wait for the right time until his children and grandchildren will be on his side. But i realized that my grandpa was so tired that he even told us that he was, the day before he just passed away. I know it's hard for me and my family to accept the fact but in God's time He will decide when will our lives will end up. Me and my family must be grieving now for the lost of my grandfather but let's NOT all think that this is the end of our journey in life.. i know that its not the same going home in his place without him but i want them to stay strong like what PAPA showed to us and show to him that we all love each other despite of the hardships and difficulties in life and i am still hoping really hoping that we'll still be happy celebrating holidays and special days in our lives even without him for i do believe that PAPA will be very happy if our family will continue to be happy too. I pray for your journey in HEAVEN my beloved PAPA. . We will always cherish the memories and the good things you taught us. We'll bring all the learnings that we learned from you and surely we'll pass those learnings to your grandchildren someday. You will always be a LIVING UTILITARIAN FOR US. Godbless and rest in peace PAPA!!
