A Month Ago :(

My Inspiration

      October 5, 2011- was the first month of my granfather's death monthsarry. I miss him badly but accepting the fact that I can't hug, kiss, talk, exchange funny jokes, ask him about his life, bought his medicine, diapers and even getting his blood pressure before he take his cardiac meds everytime I woke up. These things are my routinary activites when he was still alive. I didn't just say I miss my routinary activities. I was saying that I miss doing my routinary activities because I was doing it for him. I know that its just a simple thing for you readers but for me it's a big thing that you offered your time for the one you love, that you do everything to make him happy, that you don't waste time in doing good while he was still here in the world. All these things made me realize how important loving the people around you. Most especially my parents. My papa was the bridge of all these learnings I have in life, the virtues I got from him, these realizations on how to deal with life and the smallest things we have to do when we were still alive. I know im not a perfect person, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, cousin and you can't judge me for being who am i. No one knows me, even myself. I got dumped, wasted and rejected but I grew from it. I have realized that my family was still there for me not that verbally but emotionally and physically. They taught me how to be humble, to fight when needed and to seek God in my sadest and happiest moment in my life. A special thanks for them in molding me as a fair person. Yes. I said it. I'm a fair person for I do believe that life is not about being perfect but it's about surpassing the unfair reality. 

Register Here..

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      October 03, 2011- Today is the day of my PRC Registration as a Registered Nurse. I should wake up as early as 5:00 am but I woke up 54 minutes late than the expected time, so that was about 5:54 am. Here I am rushing again like an UNPREPARED MILITARY OFFICER (by the way, is there such thing as an UNPREPARED MILITARY OFFICER? i think there isn't lol). I know i shouldn't do this, for I oath to be punctual in all of my duty days. So i should say that TIME MANAGEMENT here plays a big role. Anyway, I've seen a lot of my schoolmates in college filling up for them to take the board. I felt glad because all of them congratulated me like I won a grand prize in a contest or I was crowned to be the Ms. Universe haha. I know it's hilarious but YES!! I deserved it.

       When the security guard allowed us to enter in the door I hurriedly ran upstairs to get my priority number and yepeeey!! I got the 8th priority. After that I bought a BIR stamp in the customer service next door to the right side where I got my priority number, then I entered in the room where registration and renewal for license is processed. I prepared my requirements already completely written with the details to be filled up. Lucky me! coz I already got a registration form and an order of payment before my scheduled date. So I was sitting like a princess in the left corner of the room facing in front of the people who will entertain each registration while waiting for my turn to be called.

      At exactly 10:10 am I finished all the steps in my PRC registration. Very excited to go home to see my father and send him for check up.

     

DESERVING :)

      September 26, 2011: After a long tiring day cleaning our little house i think i deserved a food from God. I took a bath and i went to a doctor, my relative physician, I wanna clear this up! I didn't went to a doctor to have a check up i went there because we will be having a private conversation. Anyway, it took me two and a half hour of waiting but its worth it. I went outside the clinic around 5:44pm, I hurriedly ran in the elevator but it was full so I went to the stairs from 9th floor down to the ground floor until i reached St. Jude Thaddeus Church. I was running because the mass will start at 5:30pm but when i went there the mass was not yet starting so I asked one of the attendant in the church, she told me that the mass will start at 5:30pm!!! YES!!! I was so right!! but how come it was not starting??? I then realized that my watch was 20 minutes in advance. . It was a horrible experience but thank God I was not late!

      After the mass I bought a some stuffs and most especially the one that Im longing to buy and that was a "PGT", I wont tell you whats the meaning of it because its kinda creepy for me. So i decided to make a code name out of it. I bought it because I have some collections of PGT before from my classmates and finally I have my own. So I was happy and afraid as well. I don't wanna tell you the reason why. I just want you to know that after I used it. I was so happy with the outcome.

      So, when I went home from church I was very much hungry that's why I washed my hands and I sat on the dining table, I prayed and ate my dinner.. I was sooooooooooooo full that I find myself SHOUTING AND THANKING GOD FOR GIVING ME FOOD.. I was really full and I felt like nauseated :D

      I wanna show you guys what I've eaten:

   RICE                                                                   

     FRIED PORK                                                     

VINEGAR WITH CHILI                                                                                            

 BEEF SIOMAI courtesy of  MASTER SIOMAI

DURIAN (ARANCILLO) 

MANGO-ORANGE JUICE

      Now, can you describe how full I am? If you weren't able to feel then try this kind of food trip!

P.S: I DO NOT OWN THE PICTURES, I WASN'T ABLE TO GET A PIC ON THE EXACT FOOD THAT I BOUGHT BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE TIME ANYMORE!! DUDE, I WAS SO HUNGRY THAT TIME! :D

      ENJOY!

A LIVING UTILITARIAN - A TRIBUTE TO MY GRANDPA "PAPA SUET"- -

SEPTEMBER 9, 2011 this was the day i made this blog post but unfortunately i wasnt able to post it on the same day that i made this because i was on my grandpa's place since..

SEPTEMBER 5, 2011 was the date that i wasn't expecting to be my one of the most unforgetable day in my life..At exactly 4:19am i lost my grandpa in my own watch. . Yes! Im in his room with my cousin and two aunties.. I was sleeping when my Aunt H knocked on my door asking help for my Aunt D was crying looking at my grandpa having difficulty of breathing even with the assistance of an oxygen. I hurriedly checked his vital signs (specifically his respiratory rate, heart rate, and blood  pressure) the result was a normal BP that was around 120/70 and a high RR..Looking at him craving for an air to breath is so hard for me knowing that it's not easy to handle with. Checking his BP again after an hour with the reading of 110/70 which is beyond his usual normal BP gave me two kinds of feeling.. First, im a lil bit happy because its within normal for him and secondly, im kinda suspicious for i know its a borderline that his BP will become lower and lower that i wasn't expecting to be very low with a reading of palpatory 60. While im on my grandpa's room, I and my two Aunties were talking about my grandpa's situation. I was talking to them when i noticed the ball of the regulator already not moving so i double checked it and i was right.. I asked my two Aunties if they manipulated it but they both answered a straight and firm  "NO". So we were wondering what had happened but we just ignored it for our focus is my grandpa.. After all what happened we decided to have a rosary but suddenly my Aunt H noticed that my grandpa was not breathing at all. I hurriedly jump on his bed and checked his carotid pulse and all of his pulse but sadly it's NEGATIVE. I also observed the rise and fall of his stomach but i  did not saw any changes at all. By that time both of my Aunties were crying and i woke up my cousin telling her that our beloved grandpa had just passed away. She woke up crying and i felt sorry for them. I did not cry and i stay strong and relax. From that very moment we called all our cousins and relatives. After calling them we offer a rosary for my grandpa, I was beside him while he was lying on his bed. . After the rosary my cousin and I stayed with him and then by that time my cousin can't stop crying, making it the reason for me to cry like a PIG.. Remembering the memories with him together, from the day that he arrived in my place until the day that he was hospitalized for 4 working days while i was having my review for my nursing board examination, to the day that I finished taking the board examination he was again hospitalized for 9 straight days until the day he was discharged and sent him again to the clinic for his follow up check up twice, to the most frightening day of my life.. From the time that he was very happy hearing the news that he already had a granddaughter that is already a certified registered nurse. I cant even forget the day that i asked him if he can still afford to wait for my first salary and then he answered "Yes I will" I was very happy and glad when i heared it. I know it's a reassurance but at least he tried to make me happy  for a moment amidst of his difficulty of fighting to live, that was my PAPA a very unselfish person, A LIVING UTILITARIAN. While lying on his bed, he was still thinking about his children who doesn't have a family yet knowing that he was away and he can't support them for this was always his role way back when he was still able to work for his family. Until the last time that we talked that he told me not to disturb him because he wanted to concentrate for he can't anymore breath normally and finally by the time that he already ceased breathing.. Thinking that he would still breath for me and for his family. Asking myself for at least to become SELFISH this time. . Selfish for i still want him to breath, to live, and to wait for the right time until his children and grandchildren will be on his side. But i realized that my grandpa was so tired that he even told us that he was, the day before he just passed away.  I know it's hard for me and my family to accept the fact but in God's time He will decide when will our lives will end up. Me and my family must be grieving now for the lost of my grandfather but let's NOT all think that this is the end of our journey in life.. i know that its not the same going home in his place without him but i want them to stay strong like what PAPA showed to us and show to him that we all love each other despite of the hardships and difficulties in life and i am still hoping really hoping that we'll still be happy celebrating holidays and special days in our lives even without him for i do believe that PAPA will be very happy if our family will continue to be happy too. I pray for your journey in HEAVEN my beloved PAPA. .  We will always cherish the memories and the good things you taught us. We'll bring all the learnings that we learned from you and surely we'll pass those learnings to your grandchildren someday. You will always be a LIVING UTILITARIAN FOR US. Godbless and rest in peace PAPA!!

newy :)

SEPTEMBER 2-3, 2011 was the date that i met a new friend and wasn't expecting that it will be fun being with HIM . . Yes! im having a date with a new friend and im thankful and happy for myself that i wasnt able to just stay in the house grieving for the lost of my "CRUSHES". I know you'll make fun of me when i say that word, but unfortunately in my AGE i still believe in such word.. I know its normal to have a CRUSH but i think its kinda creepy in my part because it's like a kiddy game for me. But anyways, whatever you say i still feel  my adrenaline rushing  in my body when im with. Im NOT in love with him, but i think im happy talking to him. He's the one i can talk to whenever i wanted to, he's the one who knows what i felt everyday in my life since JULY 24, 2011 . . I'll make it clear to all of you guys, we first sending messages and even calling each other from that day on until the day that i made this blogpost.

SICK :(

GONE GONE FOREVER :(

      Yesterday night i was very excited for my very first job interview. I studied and practice my lines for the possible questions that will come up the next morning. I slept around 3am and I woke up around 6am (BINGO!! was that me? an early morn pip??) Yea yea, u'd better told me that, "hey you! you have to sleep early in prep for yer first job interview!" I knew it, when i woke up? I am having this very awful HEADACHE! So, I decided not to go on to my interview, anyway i have another time to be interviewed again and again.
      So, for the whole day, i sleep and checked my email, facebook, and of course my blogspot account. I talked to some friends regarding what happened today. Until such time, I called my "Special friend" because i wasn't able to call him the whole day yesterday (i was just a lil bit busy that day and i think  i missed him alot). So, we talked and i asked him about how was he feeling because he's sick for i think 3 days now and yeee I was happy about what he told me because he's kinda feeling good now. After a short conversation he suddenly told me about ending the call and rather chat in FACEBOOK (YES! i know i know.. im used to it). I can't even open a topic to him because i told him that if i talked to him it seems like i'l forget everything in my mind. I know it's weird but i don't think why I'm always experiencing it when i talked to him. After that conversation, he then told me that he has something to do and that he will talk to me later. I always wonder what was that SOMETHING he will do that made me wait for i think 24 hours. Yes! i know he's not my BF but i was just wondering what was it.
      He signed out and I checked his facebook account and then i was so SHOCKED about his RELATIONSHIP STATUS!!!, from being SINGLE to IN A RELATIONSHIP :( .I never expected it (YES, N-E-V-E-R). When i saw it? I felt that my blood suddenly rushed into my head that i felt so hot and all of my body was shaking and i was like an intimidated chimpanzees, a stressed mice and a very frightened cat who suffered from having goose bumps around my body.
      Unconsciously, i closed all the applications and windows in my pc, i turned the pc off, locked the door, sat on the hidden corner of my room and covered a blanket. I wanted to talk to someone but i can't.. I don't want them hear me crying like a lost puppy.. Someone called me in my phone, i acted normally like im NOT crying but as i was listening to him sharing about the memories with his x girlfriend, I can't STOP myself from crying that I wasn't able to talk and say sorry for I failed to comforted him. . So, i decided to end the call and sent him a message apologizing about what i've acted. He then called again and comfort me, he told me that it doesn't matter if I wont talk or share to him what happened as long as he was their with me so that I won't feel alone.