"REGRETS" - A Letter to Andrea

      

       Every step of the way we always wanted to get something out of our plans and the way we handle it is kinda creepy sometimes. We wanted to make our lives memorable, we wanna be contented in some other ways, we live life to the fullest, we gave everything we can, we express what we think is right and wrong, we gave up everything that we can imagine, we speak to what we believe, we listen to every conversations and we tried to understand them, we follow such rules and regulations just to be as disciplined as what they want us to be. But the BIG question is how come we still have these REGRETS in our lives?

       I've known a man whom I let myself fall in love with. I let myself get crazy and think about him badly. I know this is just a common feeling with the same women who's reassuredly in love--

      I shouldn't have met him, treat him on a dinner date, get to know him while we were eating, I shouldn't have asked him about some personal questions,shouldn't have laugh at him, kissed him like he's my real boyfriend, or maybe let her kissed me, I shouldn't have gave him a massage when he needed to, shouldn't have sang him my favorite song, watched with him in a movie house with a scary film, ride in his car and let him hold my hand while he's using the other hand to drive or maybe kissed my hand before he holds it, shouldn't have another dinner date with him in a japanese restaurant, I shouldn't let him send me home late at night, follows his instruction to send him a message on his phone that I am already home or send him a message saying how happy I am when im with him and that he should always take care for us to have the chance to see each other again and remind him almost all of the text messages that I always love him even if I know for sure that we won't be together like we wanted to be. 

      All of which what happened would never happen if I let him. I keep tracking those memories of us together and tried to teach myself to forget about them. Now, im blaming myself for what had happened and i know for sure this isn't right but a normal feeling a person would experience if he/she's suffering from grieving. For all this time, I've felt like my hormones dopamine and serotonin are dragging each other down to the level that I can't feel anymore the happiness that I've felt when I am with him. 

      I made this article because i feel like im so pathetic walking alone on the streets and practicing again the life of being alone. I don't wanna fall in love again this time coz im afraid to be hurt and making this article would make me feel like im completely gaining respect, comfort and people who wanted to help me for at least they would hear my side and they could give me a lil bit of support that I badly need right at this moment. Whatever your comments may be would be very much acceptable. Thank you and Godbless us all. 

Searching for Mr. Right Chapter 1 (PART 2)

      The next day, Andrea couldn't sleep because she really needs to clarify something with Jo. So, she texted Jo and trying to set up a date or time when will they meet. But Jo couldn't make it coz he was with his friends and boss, then Andrea decided to set it again before she will be back in the place where she was working. They both agreed which each other. 

      Hours later after they were texting, Jo asked Andrea if what would she wanted to say to him, if it is important or not. Then, Andrea told him that, "Its not very important I just need to see you before il go back to my workplace and I want you to know how much I really care and love you." Jo replied saying "I love you more, Im just sad coz i know for sure your leaving me and you will be very far from me and I don't want that to happen, I tried not to be serious with you coz im just so afraid." 

      Finally, Andrea realized that they don't need to see each other again coz it's all clear to him that Jo isn't that serious to him coz of the reason that Andrea will be far away from him. Even though it hurts so bad but Andrea should look and wait again for the RIGHT guy that would accept and fight for him whatever may happen into her life. Nevertheless, she should be strong enough again and will be choosing Mr. Right with a life starting with forever and ends with never.

      To God be the glory!

Messing Things Up

      April 10th one of the worst and happiest day of my life. Worst because I won't be able to be with my college and high school friends again like what i used to do when im still here in the city where i graduated. Happy because im starting my ever dreamed job and being a professional, working with the course that i graduated for. I decided to volunteer in a hospital, YES you heard it right working without being payed! You may think that i'm a lil bit crazy but im happy with what i've decided. 

     Three months had passed and I can say that i am capable of doing things like what other staff nurses are doing. I can say im working to be an excellent volunteer nurse. 3 weeks before my 4 months work I went back to the city where I graduated to be with my dad's annual check up but my absents were extended for like 3-4 weeks and by that time I was so worried knowing that its not a good sign and im afraid they wont accept me again to work there in that very long absent. So I decided to send a letter to my Chief nurse trying to be formal this time and up to now still waiting for the reply from them.

      I am seriously drained, stressed and worried about what is happening in my life right now. While I am back here in the city I was thinking I should've attended the interview in one of the most popular hospital here. I regret it. I would've do something else here while im processing my student's visa. 

      Finally, I've met a man whom i think could be my distraction when i am here waiting without nothing to do at home. I was so happy with him, talking to my self that i will take it seriously. Yes, i know i've already prepared for it. Im ready to get hurt again. When i told him im applying for a student's visa in Norway. He disagreed, like my dad. He don't want me to travel there coz he will be hurt when im away from him. Days after we've met he told me that he's trying no to be serious with me coz he don't wanna be hurt when i'l be able to study in Norway. 

      Things get clearer to me as time passed by. I cried, I was sad, worried, messed up, all alone. But i know im used to it. All i want is maybe a real distraction for me to forget everything and I  know for sure, this is what i am doing now. I hope i'l be doing fine someday and I hope I could find a man ready to fight for me whatever fucked up situation that'll happen in my life. 

Searching for Mr. Right Chapter 1 (PART 1)

      Well, okay I know I visited again my blog because I have to post a story that is seriously running out in my mind right at this moment. This is the very first story I've ever made.

      A girl that has been LOOKING for a guy finally tried to meet a man who's 8 years older than her. YES! you heard it right LOOKING not WAITING..She can't imagine how strange it is to date with a man who's already in Grade 2 while she was just born in the same year. Amazing right? I know this is a common story but I'll tell you how she feels good when she was with this guy. I'd like to name my characters but I assure you it will be their code names. The girl named Andrea and the Singaporean guy named Jo. 

      These couple met first in a specific social networking site. I wouldn't name it because I should maintain their privacy. Well, at first impression Andrea didn't like Jo because he posted his number on his wall and Andrea feels like he's got a lot of girls but still Andrea clicked YES on him and decided to add Jo. Finally, Andrea was so busy with her work and so she sent Jo a message to just text her whenever Jo's got time because she couldn't go online all the time. Jo then received the message and texted Andrea, then days and weeks passed by they still don't send text messages to each other often.

      One night, Andrea wanted to know how Jo's life is going and she was so curious about him. She texted Jo and she noticed that Jo can't reply that fast and Andrea decided to text him often looking at her phone and wondering why he couldn't reply as fast as she could. Finally, Jo replied saying, that he's a fully matured guy and he don't usually check his phone often like her. Andrea then, was so upset and told Jo that he don't have to be very judgmental. Andrea was just trying to say that she was so interested with Jo and that she don't act the same with what she did when she's with her friends and other guys. Suprisingly, Jo got Andrea's point and decided to just meet up someday. So by then, they will meet up to the city to where Andrea graduated and where Jo works currently. Jo is working in a finance department on a very popular hotel in that city.

      On the last week of July, they finally decided to meet in a popular fast food restaurant. Andrea paid for their food because she owe a lunch and a 20 minute kiss to Jo, that was their conversation and plan before they met up. I know its strange but that came up on their mind when they two were still texting each other. Then, they ate their dinner and went out in the restaurant sitting on the park and getting to know each other for 4 hours. Finally, when they decided to go home. Jo, gave a smack kissed on Andrea beside her lips, then she told him that she still owe him a 20 minute kiss. So , they both decided to go in the car and thinking about where to do that. Andrea's plan was to kiss him in the car but Jo offered to rent a lodge, good thing Andrea didn't react and just said YES. While on their way. Jo asked Andrea why would she agreed to be with him on the lodge then Andrea just replied saying "LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST. Im happy to do it so no one can stop me from doing that unless you disagree. Please don't think that im a bitch because i believe knowing you for like 6 hours, you deserve to have me." YES best line ever! Andrea wanted to just show him how she likes Jo. 

      After that night, they met again deciding to have dinner and watch a movie then sleep again for 3 hours. They were like real couples, walking and holding their hands together. Jo asked Andrea a picture of them together but Andrea refused because she was shy, she felt like Jo was thinking maybe she's got a boyfriend but she doesn't care about that because it isn't true. It's like things happened so fast between them. Ate in a Japanese restaurant together and send text messages as well. 

      On the next couple of days, Jo wasn't able to reply on Andrea's text messages. She was worried because the last message that she received from Jo was that HE IS SAD. She keeps on calling Jo and texted him but Jo's recent behaviour. Andrea was so worried until she realized maybe he was sleeping, dating with another girl thinking that he's kinda alike with the other guys, don't have a credit on his phone, working at home, playing tennis with his friends or maybe worst thing ever to happen  "AVOIDING HER."

       Whatever the reason Andrea is still happy with the experience date with Jo and that she's proud that he's got a lot of first times on him during their date.

1. First time treating the guy on a date

2. First time sitting in the park with a guy on a date

3. First time to eat in a Japanese restaurant with a guy on a date

4. First time that someone ask her to take a photo with them together on a date

5. First time walking in the mall holding each others hand on a date
6. First time giving a massage to a guy on a date

I hope those first times will be followed again and ended up with a fairy tale ending, to be continued..

HIM: that forever will be..

      Today is i think the day that i am waiting for. I got the answers to my questions in my previous blog post. I am happy and contented that we have talked about our problem. I believe that everything is worth the wait and he made me realize how important i am to him.

      We talked today, he told me SORRY for he was distant to me the past few days and it's difficult for him that we are both far away from each other that its just also hard to be away for so long from someone he cares so much for.

Copyrighted picture

       Above all, was so happy when he told me that he will never leave me again. I know it's not healthy to just believe that easy but there's no harm in trying and believing. When you're in love you could possibly do that too. Have a happy weekend everyone. Leave some comments.

HIM: that i think i'm HER's :(

      Have you ever tried to stop falling in love because you know for the fact how hard it is to move on?You ever wonder to be happy again with a newly meet person? Do you realized how long you've been struggling for you to forget about your past relationship and then you failed again with your new one?You ever tried waiting for the right person and when you found him you start moving on again? You started moving on again and again if it isn't for you and if isn't the right time for you to fall deeply in love with your perfect guy. I call it perfect guy for i know that every girls would choose the person that would make them complete.

      I've met a man online and he was one of the perfect guy I've known online. I never expected the first day we chatted we kinda like each other and stuffs. I also can't believe that he would be as nice as i was expecting. I can't say bad thing about him for he's just perfectly nice to me. He always remind me of how he likes me and that he's thinking about me all the time. To the point that he wanted to meet me in person but our situation doesn't agreed on what we wanted to happen. I understand how hard it is, especially when we talk via skype, I myself would seriously have to adjust with both of our time difference. He's from Ontario so it's a 12 hour difference. I can feel how hard it is but i always remind myself that this happens for a reason and I am always thankful that after work i can talk to him or message him via facebook and that would help me feel happy and forget about how am i working hard at work. It helps a lot and i feel like stronger for i always have him and i can feel how near he is whenever i read his messages.

            I can still remember the first time we talked via skype that was April 3rd 2012. I was so happy talking to her coz we have a lot of common. We have our own dreams in life but we aim for the same thing and that is to be successful with we dream for. Until such time, I didn't get a message from him. So, was wondering what happened, the day after that he sent me a message saying the internet connection was accidentally broke by his landlord. So, i feel like comfortable knowing that he's fine and he's still there. The day after, he sent me a quick message saying INTERNET IS BACK but 72 hours later i wasn't able to catch him online and wondering again where he is. Then I  sent him a message again then i have no idea that he was online that time he replied that it's kinda difficult to be so far away from me and it's just hard to be away fro so long from someone he cares so much for and yeah that was the last message i received from him .Well I can't blame him from saying that to me for i understand how far we are from each other, until now i still tried to sent him a message saying how much i missed him. I realized after those days we weren't able to talk that I just wanted the truth of how he feels from me now, i just beg him of what he wanted to say on me coz i really don't want him to leave me hanging like i think i am her's.

      I don't want to make this article to have a sad ending, i honestly hate it, I always wanted a happy ending, ever!. But this happened to me and this is the real ending. I couldn't edit it coz i believe that there are people who could drop some comments about this article. I hope so. . 

You think that's a wave of goodbye? 

PERFECT SPOT!!

For a year I have this spot which I would really love to pose every Good Friday. We'll do the 14th Station walk before we can achieve this SPECIAL SPOT that I have been telling you.

This was the first picture taken last April 22, 2011

This is the 2nd pic taken today April 6, 2012