Every step of the way we always wanted to get something out of our plans and the way we handle it is kinda creepy sometimes. We wanted to make our lives memorable, we wanna be contented in some other ways, we live life to the fullest, we gave everything we can, we express what we think is right and wrong, we gave up everything that we can imagine, we speak to what we believe, we listen to every conversations and we tried to understand them, we follow such rules and regulations just to be as disciplined as what they want us to be. But the BIG question is how come we still have these REGRETS in our lives?
I've known a man whom I let myself fall in love with. I let myself get crazy and think about him badly. I know this is just a common feeling with the same women who's reassuredly in love--
I shouldn't have met him, treat him on a dinner date, get to know him while we were eating, I shouldn't have asked him about some personal questions,shouldn't have laugh at him, kissed him like he's my real boyfriend, or maybe let her kissed me, I shouldn't have gave him a massage when he needed to, shouldn't have sang him my favorite song, watched with him in a movie house with a scary film, ride in his car and let him hold my hand while he's using the other hand to drive or maybe kissed my hand before he holds it, shouldn't have another dinner date with him in a japanese restaurant, I shouldn't let him send me home late at night, follows his instruction to send him a message on his phone that I am already home or send him a message saying how happy I am when im with him and that he should always take care for us to have the chance to see each other again and remind him almost all of the text messages that I always love him even if I know for sure that we won't be together like we wanted to be.
All of which what happened would never happen if I let him. I keep tracking those memories of us together and tried to teach myself to forget about them. Now, im blaming myself for what had happened and i know for sure this isn't right but a normal feeling a person would experience if he/she's suffering from grieving. For all this time, I've felt like my hormones dopamine and serotonin are dragging each other down to the level that I can't feel anymore the happiness that I've felt when I am with him.
I made this article because i feel like im so pathetic walking alone on the streets and practicing again the life of being alone. I don't wanna fall in love again this time coz im afraid to be hurt and making this article would make me feel like im completely gaining respect, comfort and people who wanted to help me for at least they would hear my side and they could give me a lil bit of support that I badly need right at this moment. Whatever your comments may be would be very much acceptable. Thank you and Godbless us all.
