falling to pieces . .

i don't know what to say :( he had all the reasons to stay away from me . . sad T_T

i dunno if i'l cry or not? for me im just over reacting if i cry! so i wont cry-- WTF! (sorry for the language)

okay fine! im over reacting . . whatever .

Goodluck to me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrzGHgmG3y4

healing the cut :(

In life we get to be busy all the time. We tend to have alot of things to do and alot of things to finish sometimes we forget to pause for an hour to ask the following questions to ourselves. How am i? Am i enjoying what im doing? Am i allowing myself to rest? to have a break? To kick other people's ass off just to make my self satisfied of my hard works? Sometimes its very therapeutic to ask yourself these questions. Simple yet helpful.

How am i by the way? Most common asnwers would be, "Im fine" or maybe "Im okay". Even i would answer the same thing. But hey! Im referring on how deeply I am okay with my life right now. Okay! Im NOT fine and NOT okay yet because I think Im exhausing myself too much from the things that made me so busy. For I saw myself suffering from the things that I let myself happen. For I see the people not okay too when I check on them. One time I was sitting on the seashore looking at those vendors who really have nothing to count on as their way of living were a box of fake jewelry and other "kikay" stuffs. Im not so sure if they would answer either a YES or a NO in my second question which was, "Am i enjoying what Im doing?" or "Are they enjoying what they are doing?" I wanted to ask them after I ate my lunch but Im afraid maybe tears would fall from my eyes when I hear their answers. Im not so sure if they have an income at the end of the day or if they take a break during lunch time. Lately, when i checked on the jewelry vendor, my family gave him a lunch to eat which made me very happy and satisfied for I feel like Im enjoying myself looking at my family giving and sharing the blessings that we have.

As i wrote this, Im wondering if I allow and if Im doing the third and last question. Wondering if I am having a very relaxing break this easter week? If am i kicking an ass off just to make me satisfied with my hard works? My answer would be a big YES! Sitting here behind the seashore is very relaxing. It heals the wound that I am trying to fix. As of now the problem keeps on opening the artery of my heart which is so hard to suture. Im sitting here for a purpose, a purpose to make this post as a way of expressing what im feeling right now. I wanted to kick an ass off just to make me satisfied but now I can't, that is why I am trying to write it so that the cut would be minimize and would not leak anymore if someday someone will volunteer to suture and help me fix the cut that im forcing to heal right now.

im DEEPLY sorry - -

Lately ive been entertaining some people whom i dunno, which is weird *ya i know it is*. But i just wanted to remind myself that its not wrong, having new friends - - yea hang in their *FRIENDS*

But limme just assess my self. . i think im losing something, am i?

Yes i am! i almost forgot that i asked God to give me a MAN who suited to be an ideal person of mine. Until such time he came to my life *that was 1 week after i prayed*. Yeaaa! dun ya ever laugh at me because its true. .

Hes cute, smart, charming, kind, taller than me, with sense of humor, loves photography, we are in the same profession, and has a job! Bingo!! I remembered when he ask me if what was my ideal man , i told him all of those things except this *loves photography, we are in the same profession, and has a job* because maybe he will think that i am referring unto him. . Yes , i admit it i prayed to God all those things but i never expected that he would add this *has a job*. .

I thank God for giving HIM in my life and now i just cant afford to lose him.. I felt sorry all the time for i just dunno what he feels because he is not so vocal like me . . thats the opposite thing we have.

I just wanted to say sorry to my BLOG because this blog is the only way i can express what i feel. . as of now, while im typing, my heart beats so fast that i cant even breath normally, that i cant even stop my tears from falling because i felt so guilty on what i did.

Hes so special to me and im NOT special to him . . Its okay, i cant force a person to like me. All i want is to have a good relationship to every people ive encountered, i am encountering and to be encountered. .

YES! IM LIVING MY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!! I JUST WANT TO BE MEEEEE.. SAYING I LOVE YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE AND SAYING IM SORRY TO ALL THE PEOPLE IVE HURT. .

Until here. GOD BLESS US ALL!

APRIL 16, 2011 (MARIELLA'S BIRTHDAY)

Happy birthday MARIELLA we wish that you'll have more birthdays to come, continue to be a very good, sweet and kind daughter to your Mamma and Pappa as well as to your little sister Isabella. Thank you for being a very FLINK *good* niece to all your relatives here in the Philippines, continue to develop your singing and dancing career because i know that you can perfectly do it! I hope someday that all your dreams will come true. We will always be here for you and we are looking forward to see, hug, kiss and bond with you again after 2 fruitful years and that time you're already 6 years old. We love you so much and may God bless you and your family!

fra filippinsk familie ;)

DREAM come TRUE!

i still can't believe last March 30, 2011 i received my pin as a graduate in my beloved alma mater and of course the day that I've waited for last April 1. 2011 my GRADUATION DAY!! yepeey..

i'm so happy that day and im still hoping to be happier someday when i will be attending my oath taking as a registered nurse. Yes! im looking forward to be a REGISTERED NURSE and i hope i can make it!

So much that, i got a lots for simple gifts whom i received during my graduation day. I received a pasalubong from my mother a special KAMOTE CANDY and POLVORON which were my favorite , another gift that i've received from my mother was a device used for checking the ears, mouth and nose (lol i don't exactly know what was it, but its cute!). I also received a gift from my mother's co worker she gave me an underwear and a kikay kit :P (haha it was really funny). I got another gift from my cousins a pair of comb with a mirror, and a photo frame. I also received 2 bouquet from my sister and my second cousin. The most exciting surprise that I've received was a tarpaulin from my cousin and i was so shocked when i saw it because i really did not expect it for i have collections of tarps in my room , so definitely that will be included as well!

Hundreds of people also greeted me and i also appreciate that ;) I am also thankful to God for answering my prayers and to my parents and family for the support they have given to me each and everyday! I cant explain the gratitude that i am feeling right now. To my friends who had been my KAKOSA and KAPAKYAS (by the way pakyas is our group name) i will miss you all and see you this coming oath taking! i love you all. .