HIM: that i think i'm HER's :(

      Have you ever tried to stop falling in love because you know for the fact how hard it is to move on?You ever wonder to be happy again with a newly meet person? Do you realized how long you've been struggling for you to forget about your past relationship and then you failed again with your new one?You ever tried waiting for the right person and when you found him you start moving on again? You started moving on again and again if it isn't for you and if isn't the right time for you to fall deeply in love with your perfect guy. I call it perfect guy for i know that every girls would choose the person that would make them complete.

      I've met a man online and he was one of the perfect guy I've known online. I never expected the first day we chatted we kinda like each other and stuffs. I also can't believe that he would be as nice as i was expecting. I can't say bad thing about him for he's just perfectly nice to me. He always remind me of how he likes me and that he's thinking about me all the time. To the point that he wanted to meet me in person but our situation doesn't agreed on what we wanted to happen. I understand how hard it is, especially when we talk via skype, I myself would seriously have to adjust with both of our time difference. He's from Ontario so it's a 12 hour difference. I can feel how hard it is but i always remind myself that this happens for a reason and I am always thankful that after work i can talk to him or message him via facebook and that would help me feel happy and forget about how am i working hard at work. It helps a lot and i feel like stronger for i always have him and i can feel how near he is whenever i read his messages.

            I can still remember the first time we talked via skype that was April 3rd 2012. I was so happy talking to her coz we have a lot of common. We have our own dreams in life but we aim for the same thing and that is to be successful with we dream for. Until such time, I didn't get a message from him. So, was wondering what happened, the day after that he sent me a message saying the internet connection was accidentally broke by his landlord. So, i feel like comfortable knowing that he's fine and he's still there. The day after, he sent me a quick message saying INTERNET IS BACK but 72 hours later i wasn't able to catch him online and wondering again where he is. Then I  sent him a message again then i have no idea that he was online that time he replied that it's kinda difficult to be so far away from me and it's just hard to be away fro so long from someone he cares so much for and yeah that was the last message i received from him .Well I can't blame him from saying that to me for i understand how far we are from each other, until now i still tried to sent him a message saying how much i missed him. I realized after those days we weren't able to talk that I just wanted the truth of how he feels from me now, i just beg him of what he wanted to say on me coz i really don't want him to leave me hanging like i think i am her's.

      I don't want to make this article to have a sad ending, i honestly hate it, I always wanted a happy ending, ever!. But this happened to me and this is the real ending. I couldn't edit it coz i believe that there are people who could drop some comments about this article. I hope so. . 

You think that's a wave of goodbye? 

UNFRIEND and BLOCKED!

      Today is my mom's birthday but think I have another thing to figure out. It was a shocking news from my facebook account when I updated it. I was looking for a sample style of a scrub suit and I directly remember one person who wears the same scrub suit that I wanted also to be like mine  when im gonna go duty in ER one of these days.

      Suddenly, when I searched that friend of mine in facebook I was really like speechless for I can't find him in my friend lists. So, I was hoping maybe it was just because of the very slow internet connection. I waited for his name to load and come out of the lists but I wasn't able to see his name.

      By that time I was conviced that he BLOCKED me :). Well, there are only two things that popped out in my head and that is to believe that someone UNFRIEND and BLOCKED me in my facebook account. So now, if someone blocked me should i be very happy so that i can move on? :D or should i be sad because im starting to miss that person already? :(( 

im NOT COMPLAINING, im just CONFUSED!

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      I complain because i am not perfect. i wanted to cry but i cant. i wanted to sleep and rest but things gets to be complicated as quick as my blinking eyes! i always have a short period of time in making important decisions in my life! i often attend other people's problem where i cant even fix my own. i have a choice but i chose to put THEM first. i wanted to start fixing my own concerns but LIFE per se is challenging me hardly and it isn't that easy to move that way. to move like you really should prioritize other people than yourself. to think like you still have your personal issues to start with but you don't even know how. these past few weeks i can't sleep straightly for at least 8 hours coz i have to attend the personal needs of other sick individual. 

     IM NOT COMPLAINING!!! i don't know if i like what is happening now in my life but i think it is, i know it is. should i believe that someone will rescue me from what my concerns are? or should i start doing my personal concerns while attending other people's needs? or should i stop planning my concerns and start acting like im a hero? what should i do? 

      I think maybe i should get some rest coz i am perfectly confused now but i cant sleep anymore coz i need to call someone to arrange and schedule things properly and then guard them whenever they will go. Maybe should get some sleep later after i attend them and of course after i schedule all my personal needs. 

from WOMB to TOMB JUDGEMENT!

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         There are lots of unwanted things that is happening these days or may happen in our lives. Ever since my mom always remind me and my sisters not to have a boyfriend while were still studying. I hate the fact that you know to yourself that your telling the truth and then they wouldn't believe you, they always wanted to just accept it even if you didn't do it. Why are these people so judgemental? OKAY. I wanna clear this up. I'm not referring to my parents, instead this blog is addressed to all the guilty individual who will be reading this article. 

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         When I was in college I heared about my high school classmates getting pregnant. I hate the fact that they can't STOP or PROTECT themselves from being pregnant. So, when I started my A&P course as part of my nursing career. I realized how these neurochemicals or neurotransmitters in our brain works together and fall in love as easy as we breath! I learned how opposite sex attracts I learned how these hormones file together to make significant changes physically, mentally and emotionally. Of course, I simply learned how these people react in every problems they've encountered. One of the PERFECT example is the "UNWANTED PREGNANCY". When our parenst heared about this news , they get to overreact which is normal. You expect to happen that you father will be the silent one but the most dangerous person you can deal with so better not talk to him. In addition, you have to expect as wel you neighbors would be THE MOST JUDGEMENTAL people in the world that you wish to close your eyes and cover your ears for you not to be very stressed out in watching the way they look at you and listens the way they judge you. These people should be aware that they shouldn't react that much. It isn't easy to be pregnant. They shouldn't scold, give problems and even shout to the pregnant woman. They should consider the fetus inside that woman, the fetus will be the first one to be affected of how the mother feels about the strees that she is into. Here's another thing I am concerned about, when the baby's finally out your parents and all of the people around you especially your neighbors who made you feel so stressed are the first one who would be very glad and congratulate you despite of the hardship from the day that you knew that you're  pregnant until the day that your first child is born. 

         Years after, you and your partner will decide to marry and then the same people that you are going to invite are again the people who used to stop and contradict your boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Another intimidating part, is when your first child turns 3 years old or more and then they would ask, "When will you and your partner plan to have your second child?" or maybe suggest it directly unto you face! Great!! these people proven "H-A-R-S-H" I repeat H.A.R.S.H!! At first, they'll talk about your mistakes but then again after years or so they will just easily enter into your lives without even thinking how rude they are before. 

"BAD LUCK+EXERCISE+SHOCKED+TRIPPED+SPOILAGE"

       Today my horoscope doesn't read good, which is tonight I've realized that my day was NOT good!

      I started my day with a 30 minutes walking and jogging in one, with my cousin's husband. Of course, I was with him so I was like his follower of his healthy diet. I didn't know that his routine was to buy a fresh pineapple fruit and before he drive me home he told me that i will drink a glass of milk and then i'l have a rest then i can take a bath and go to sleep if i wanted to. YES that's what he told me. Well if you ask me my plan after my 30 minutes walking and jogging? I will of course drink my milk, eat an apple, have a rest and then do the dancing exercise for 30 minutes, take a long rest, took a bath and eat my pure vegie diet lunch. YES that was my plan and it happened! 

      After eating I was walking down on the third and last stairway and boooooom I got tripped! YES i did! It was one of the most unluckiest day of my life. I  was thinking that I wasn't lucky this week because I got shocked by a grounded outlet 3 days ago. 

      So, for the whole day I was like very aggressive and irritable because of the pain that i've felt. Suddenly I was talking to my Aunt and that simple talk leads to a small misunderstanding just because I want her daughter which is my cousin to get the money as early as possible because my Aunt (my cousin's mother) will be needing it. But my cousin did not agree with what i told her so her mom told me that they will get the money tomorrow because my cousin told her to cancel it now. My fault was this. I reacted like my aunt was spoiling her daughter again (which is really true) that she can't even explain her side. My expectation was that my aunt will agree on what I've reacted because if my cousin will continue to do that, she will be a spoiled brat forever! But i was wrong! Very wrong! I became the wrong person and I don't know why. Is it wrong not to spoil your children? I mean it, because I was a spoiled brat to my father but I didn't abuse it. I think, this is the point! As a spoiled brat i need to consider things that I think will affect other people's lives. I need to avoid being the only first to be recognized by the person who spoil me and most especially NOT TO ABUSE the spoilage of your parents. I don't know if you'll agree on what ive shared to you. For me this is just based on experience and I hope someone out there could understand what i wanted you guys to know. 

A Month Ago :(

My Inspiration

      October 5, 2011- was the first month of my granfather's death monthsarry. I miss him badly but accepting the fact that I can't hug, kiss, talk, exchange funny jokes, ask him about his life, bought his medicine, diapers and even getting his blood pressure before he take his cardiac meds everytime I woke up. These things are my routinary activites when he was still alive. I didn't just say I miss my routinary activities. I was saying that I miss doing my routinary activities because I was doing it for him. I know that its just a simple thing for you readers but for me it's a big thing that you offered your time for the one you love, that you do everything to make him happy, that you don't waste time in doing good while he was still here in the world. All these things made me realize how important loving the people around you. Most especially my parents. My papa was the bridge of all these learnings I have in life, the virtues I got from him, these realizations on how to deal with life and the smallest things we have to do when we were still alive. I know im not a perfect person, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, cousin and you can't judge me for being who am i. No one knows me, even myself. I got dumped, wasted and rejected but I grew from it. I have realized that my family was still there for me not that verbally but emotionally and physically. They taught me how to be humble, to fight when needed and to seek God in my sadest and happiest moment in my life. A special thanks for them in molding me as a fair person. Yes. I said it. I'm a fair person for I do believe that life is not about being perfect but it's about surpassing the unfair reality. 

totally INSANE!

i cried after reading someone's blog , i wonder why -_-

am i crazy? because i cried out of nothing?

i dunno him alot and i felt the same pain when i've read his posts..

i dunno what to say , i just cant imagine that his posts made me cry :(

time check: 1:19am

im TOTALLY INSANE - - -

ASYSTOLE LIFE

EVER SINCE I LEARNED HOW MAKE THINGS POSSIBLE WITH MY OWN EFFORTS LIKE STUDYING AND STUDYING AND STRIVING TO GET HIGH GRADES , I EVEN MORE BECOME AGGRESSIVE IN EVERYTHING THAT WILL HAPPEN IN MY LIFE.. I GET TO MAKE THINGS BETTER WITH MY OWN INSTINCTS!!

HOW I WISH I'D GO BACK TO BE LIKE SO AGGRESSIVE ALL THE TIME , TO BE LIKE WHAT I WANNA BE.. I HAD ALOT OF PLANS IN MY CAREER MOST ESPECIALLY MY FUTURE ME ------------?

OPPSS! THAT's a questionable- ASYSTOLE. Honestly i don't want to have that asystole thing. I just want my life to follow the career that i wanna pursue someday.

Lately, my mom ask me if what i want as a present for my graduation. I told her straightly to give me a HONDA CIVIC 1.8s CAR! yeah! that was so impossible coz i know that wasn't my mom's priority ;) i understand coz somehow i know i can buy my own car when i do have a regular job someday. The next morning, i talked to her and told her about the serious present that i wanna receive this coming graduation day. I told her, "I WANNNA STUDY AGAIN" she asked me not to continue my plans to study again, she dun want me to be STRESS all over again coz she wants me to regain my weight coz imma hella underweight. Yeah yeah, that's alot of conversation, then she asked me again if what course imma goin to take? i told her, "I WANNA GO TO MED SCHOOL" SERIOUSLY???????????? I asked my self in silence..... She insisted NOT TO! you know what i replied? "ALL OVER MY LIFE I FOLLOWED WHAT YOU PEOPLE WANT ME TO BE, NOW I REALIZED YOU WONT ALLOW ME TO CHOOSE WHAT I WANT". i THOUGHT NURSING will be the start of my MED career coz maybe this time i'll be like the AGGRESSIVE one as what am i before coz i'd love this course but sad to say, im still hangin like i cant go down or go up anymore and that's how ASYSTOLE works as what my LIFE is-----------

i CRIED like a PIG last Friday, January 21, 2011

      They said the origin of man is from animals. I wonder how we differ from them? A man has it's own emotions & animals don't have it. Some people cry because they were driven by their emotions, &people cry because they feel alone. In my case i cried because i'm hurt & when I'm hurt i became angry just like a typical animal when they were hurt by someone they have their defense mechanism to protect them. As a person, i have the same defense mechanism like animals, i also have my friends & families to protect me, but the reason behind i cried, is that i'm angry because i dunno & i wasn't taught how to express what i feel & that differs me from animals.